Saturday, April 21, 2007

Cwoffee Twalk

I am currently at the coffee shop I used to work at, and it occured to me that, as great coffee is, it's a true laxative. Granted, I've known this forever...why I mention it now, like it's some new epiphany, I don't know, but coffee is basically hot prune juice. Have a cup in the morning and then a half hour later, the intestine's gurgle, the sphinkter contracts and you smile larger at co-workers (because you must keep an aire that nothing is wrong), even though you're breaking out in a sweat. Not now you think.

All this came to me in the bathroom. Owners of coffee shops beware, since coffee rips apart the digestive system so quickly, unless you use the "comfy" laxative, those bathrooms need to be pristine. Some may be detered by the infamous dooty parasite, but when you gotta go -- well, you know the saying.

Not that I wanted to talk pooh, but the coffee shop, known as "Java Jar", was my home for two years. It was a part-time job when I needed something on a Saturday. I went through two sets of owners and became friends with both. Looking back at all the part-time jobs I worked prior to becoming a teacher, I realized that I would work the coffee shop scene again. It doesn't exactly mean I'm working with food, and if it does, it conerns bagels and muffins. Coffee shops are the "it" place to hang out.

And since they attract so many people, those bathrooms need to be clean, free of terd-residue (especially that old-man-spray kind) and free of pungeant odors. To keep that business, especially when dooty calls, those bathrooms need to remain homey. Keep a rug around the toilet so a customer can kick off his shoes if he dare so pleases. Keep really nice towels hung so a person can dab her face after taking a hot, sweaty dump. Have a variety of lotions for those constant coffee drinkers, the ones that stay at the shop for hours at a time typing their "novel" because after so much hand-washing, their skin will flake from dryness.

"The coffee shop is the 21st-century version of the 1950s malt shop," says Joseph DeRupo, director of communications for the National Coffee Association (quote taken from U.S. News and World Report's article "Over the Limit?"). "It's where kids go to meet friends and socialize."