Friday, August 03, 2007

Coprophagy

While playing croquet last Saturday, I looked down to find (in my horror) Fauna nibbling on a turd. I smacked her and told her to stop, that "we don't eat turds in this house!" Our Golden Retriever/Collie mix deficates human-sized turds and Fuana probably sees them and says, "oh, treats just for me!" I didn't see her do it the rest of the week, but she came into the house one evening with horrendous gas, and we scolded her saying that if she didn't eat turds, she wouldn't smell like one.

Sadly, Steph thinks she smells like popcorn and turds, a sour mixture, especially when she's lying under her desk, breathing heavy stink-breath, while Steph is trying to pay bills.

But what draws dogs to eating their own feces?

Apparently, dogs ache for nutrients, even after they've eaten, and go straight for the crap nuggets in the backyard (or if you own a horse, they stick their snout in the pile of dung, too). The problem is, there isn't an easy way to stop an animal from eating poop. Research out there says a way to (maybe) make an animal stop eating it is by pouring vinegar on the pooh, so it's terribly bitter (because it's sweet to begin with?) or, and this one is my favorite, you play doctor and take a syringe filled with hot sauce and inject it into the turd.

I think the best time to go about filling turds with hot sauce is on a 90 degree day, where any puncture or movement of the turd will cause a chemical reaction so volatile, the smell will reach for your nose and suffocate you. Or you gag.

Although stopping the dog from eating stools is as difficult as mating with dinosaurs, one source said to just go out and pick up the pooh right after the dog drops it onto the grass. This seems like a good idea, but I'd rather hold a baggie under the dog and catch it.

But then our grass, especially during such a dry summer, won't be as green in the backyard.