Monday, February 11, 2008

Migraines and Fauna toots

I know Fauna gets a lot of press on this site, but honestly, if you met her - you would write about her, too.

I am a survivor of Migraine headaches. I say survivor only because they haven't killed me yet and years of experience have taught me how to accomplish hard daily tasks while wanting to take a sledgehammer to every bright light in the city.

I have tried many things to cure my insatiable headpain, and the most recent was a drug study put on by a local pharmecutical company. It seemed safe enough and paid good money, so why not sell my body to science? I used to work in a cadaver lab and I benefited from those who donated their bodies to education, so why not give back?

A week and a half ago I went in for my first visit. They took my medical history along with some of my blood and urine, and I passed all those tests. They compensated me for my visit and even validated my parking (something truly rare these days). Today I went in for my physical exam and I failed. Not because there's anything wrong with me physically, because I obviously passed all of those prior tests, but because my heart rate is too high. I know this. Well, I sometimes know this. My heart likes to literally dance to its own beat, sometimes beating at 50 bpm, and other times skyrocketing to 12o for no reason. I could be lying on the couch or climbing a mountain and it would make no difference to my ticker. However, I'm pretty sure they could have concluded this last week when they took my blood pressure and heart rate about 10 times.

The good part about this is that I was paid for my time today. Also, I don't have to drive downtown during rush hour trying to get to the lab within a certain window of time so they can take pictures of my brain. The bad part is that I was looking forward to a cure. And the neurological exam I would have received because I would like to know what is really going on inside my head.

But on to the most important part of this blog - Fauna toots.

They are awful and often smell like wet garbage. While I am typing this, she is dancing around me and moaning while letting out these stinky monsters. I think we need to look into a detox program. If you know of a good one, I'm open to suggestions.