Saturday, July 20, 2013

Antiquing, Part IV


As per usual, we are always the youngest people in any-given antique mall. I'm sure any of the older folk look at us and say, "Oh, how cute, young people." Then they start to follow us around with their claw-like hands, sucking in the air around us.

"Your essence," they whisper, hoarsely. "We neeeeeeeed your essence."

Or not.

But we are usually of the younger mix. Which is fine. I'm happy that I can turn 32, and still be one of the youngest at an establishment. My youth prevails.

Go youth! It is sonic.

While walking around the different booths that await our monies at the antique malls we go to, I am always on the look-out for the weird. Sadly, my latest adventure didn't prove as strange, but I did find some treasures that I want to showcase.

I couldn't tell if it said Jalopy, which is an old car, or Jalody -- someone's name. Personally, I like Jalopy, because I imagine a not-so-smart person placing this ceramic pig face in their old car. When he runs through yellow lights, he lightly taps it, and yells "JALOPY!" as if praising some god for making it through the light. I would also hope that someone would fasten it to their rear-view mirror. Because that would be awesome. 

I know it's a very serious sign. But, in the spirit of Real Simple magazine, let's find a new use for it, shall we? Let's take it with us to Walmart and place it in the parking spot next to our car. Or, while your waiting for someone, and you want to park next to them, place it in the neighboring spot. Or, just take it with you inside Walmart and wherever you stand, just place it next to you so that no one will bother you. You've seen all those "People of Walmart" posts, right? You really don't want people next to you. 

I love number 7. I didn't even notice it until I edited the photo. Because, let's be honest: If an atomic bomb were to drop, what else can you do? 

When I go to antique malls, my soul purpose is to look for reusable shopping bags. Do you see how much they want for it? $8. I'd say "bargain," but I'd be lying. 

Each and every visit has the essential creepy doll. The one on the right was high up on a shelf watching over her kingdom. She sees all, with scary eyes like that. The sassy one on the right was small-human-sized. I see that one as an must for pranking. At night. With your friends. 
Jaqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy Onassis wants that apple sauce. She cannot have that applesauce.  

"When you lay me down to sleep, pray that dog with human eyes watches over me in a creepy manner..."

Just saying.