Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Welcome to Blogpostathon 2017


I present this scenario to my agent:

Here I am, descending from the highest of ceilings, in a sparkling outfit that is obviously ill-fitted. I'm strapped in, and I'm holding my microphone. I'm actually singing. There's no lip-syncing here, and I slowly descend upon the crowd, wearing giant platform shoes the color of the moon. 

I'm spinning. Here I am, trying to land my absurd foot-long soles on the stage. 

I kick someone.

Oops, it was Left Shark. He's got a black eye now. 

I continue to descend, and my fans are below me. They hold giant rods of constant blinking nonsense, spelling out my name, creating algorithms and symbols, moving these light sabers this way and that as they move across the football field. 

I land. Left Shark balances me. I raise my arms to the sky. 

It's time for  -- hold on, we need canons firing before I say anything...

I duck. There are phosphorescent explosions on both sides of me, so bright retinas have caught fire. All the grandmas in the stands are blind. Geese are falling from the sky, hitting all the people on the football field. 

What's that smell?

I give the thumbs up, and my one-eyed monster logo starts falling from the sky in multi-colored confetti of various sizes. 

"Welcome!" my voice echoes. "Blogpostathon 2017 has begun!" 

My agent interrupts: "You stole all this from Lady Gaga's Super Bowl Halftime Show." 

Me: "My platforms are bigger. I didn't play piano." 

My agent: "You can't have Left Shark. Left Shark belongs to Katy Perry's Super Bowl Halftime Show." 

Me: "Left Shark cannot be copyrighted.

My agent: "I'll need to talk to the lawyers. You need to work within your budget." 

Me: "And what is my budget?"

My agent: "Well, you have no advertisers. You have 30 readers, and people don't know who you are. You have to do all this for free...or spend your own money, and you need to return that llama to its rightful owner.

Me: "Copernicus is mine!" 
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Happy Fat Tuesday everyone! 

Although I won't have pyrotechnics, and I returned Copernicus, please join me these next 40 days and 40 nights as I write my way through my third annual Blogpostathon. I've got a line-up that, hopefully, won't disappoint. No one famous, sadly, but you'll definitely meet some Interesting Characters, as well as read some Tales from the World of Amusing. If you like dystopian landscapes, I'll be adding a few more Notes at the End of the World, too, which I haven't done in about a year and a half. 

And, if you think someone might enjoy these antics, please share. I may not be making any money as a lowly writer, but I would love an audience...a public

Get some rest because tomorrow, and let the Blogpostathon begin!